Good Massage News

What makes a massage a good massage?

So often I have people come to me that tell me how much they love being massaged. Or, conversely, they tell me that they don't really care for massage, but perhaps they have a pain in their shoulder that they can't tolerate anymore and decided to try again. In essence, any type of touch therapy that you walk away happy with, is a good massage. However, to discriminating massage connoisseurs, there are several areas that distinguish between a so-so massage and and oh-so-wonderful one! Here are some things to consider when receiving a massage so you too can be an official massage aficionado!

~As a general rule, massages should feel good, like pain is being released, not pain being inflicted! (there are occasional exceptions to this rule that a good therapist will go over with you)

~The contact and firmness of the massage should be at a level that you enjoy. If you feel like you are being bruised or like your bones are being pushed on aggressively, it's important that you speak up and let the therapist know it isn't working for you. If the pressure is too light, let the therapist know that more pressure would be appreciated, and keep telling them until they get it right! This is your dollar that is buying this massage, it needs to be about your needs!

~A good massage therapist will direct the flow towards your heart. The lymphatic system goes in both ways, but the veins have valves that only open in one direction, towards your heart. It's important to keep the blood flow in that direction, rather than against those delicate valves. Light pressure massages will not affect the valves negatively, but a deep tissue massage can, so just be conscientious.

~If you feel a little sore for a day or two after a massage, don't worry! It means that your muscles were really worked over and your body has created some lactic acid to aid in the healing process. Just like working out, massages work the body. More massages and/or workouts, the less sore you will be after. If you aren't sore at all, you may have the type of body composition that just doesn't get sore easily, or you may want to try a firmer pressure massage next time.

~Conversation. Sometimes conversation happens during a massage, and that's okay...as long as that is what you want to happen. A good massage therapist should follow your cues. If you ask questions and stimulate conversation, she should follow until you cease to ask anymore questions. If you get quiet, so should she. Unless she needs to check- in with something massage related. Then, it is important for her to know how the pressure is, if you like something special, or are disliking a specific technique. It's important for her to use active listening skills, both verbal and non-verbal. Just know that you control what ultimately happens during your massage, you're paying for it! So, if you aren't wanting to talk, say so. Gently, of course...

~Temperature, music, and oils... they all play an important role in your receiving a good massage. If you are cold, you won't be able to relax as thoroughly as is optimal, so speak up and ask for a blanket. If you aren't digging the tunes, have her turn them off, change CD's, or at least turn the volume down. If you don't like the massage oil or lotion of choice, ask her if she has another option. Often times, there are alternatives available for your enjoyment.

The bottom line is this, you can't necessarily control the ability of the therapist, but you can at least control the atmosphere and tone of the massage by making your expectations and desires clear. And, if you still don't get the type of massage that you are hoping for, please try again with someone else. Each therapist will have a unique style and technique. So, get a recommendations from someone you know. Or, look at the reviews on Yelp! or Google, or Yahoo! They are real people, with real reviews of services they have received.

In the words of Goethe

Melanie Sargent - Mirror Image
In the words of Goethe: 

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events ensues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”

What exactly are you waiting for? You can choose to move forward or move in circles. Which direction will produce greater results? When you inspect your life, what do you see? What aspects of yourself are worthy of pride? Where are you weak or reactive, where you can let go of the ties that bind you to that negativity?

Explore within. Brainstorm. Allow the thoughts, ideas and feelings to flow as if from the wellspring of Spirit itself, for that is what you are and where you came from. When you have created your list of who you think you are and what you think you are capable of, check in with it. Is this accurate? Is there more? Perhaps even check in with someone who is positive and close to you. Perhaps they see greatness where it has been hidden from you. Perhaps there is an untapped strength that will be the driving force behind you manifesting your greatness!

Once you have fully let it all out, then clarify. Isolate down where your strengths are and where you need a power partner to help you with your weaker areas. Create a manifestation list of what you want to make happen in your life; your relationships, your career, your loves, your fitness level, where you live... whatever comes up for you. Make it pretty or strong using nice paper or colored pens, etc., so you'll enjoy looking at the list and absorbing the information, feeling empowered as you do.

Then, put it into action. Make it happen with one little step or one giant leap! Start. Just start doing something and stop letting life slip past you without letting your light shine.

Go Big, or Go Home!

Life is the ultimate challenge. Just living. Getting up in the morning, plugging away through your day, going to bed in the evening... and all the minutia in-between. It can be such a drag at times or at other times, the best thing ever!

Why is it that some evenings I muster every ounce of strength that I have just to cook up a pot of Top Ramen, finding no pleasure in the cooking process, the eating or the clean-up. Although other nights I feel inspired and create masterpieces of creative cuisine, loving the chopping, sautèing, washing the dishes, presenting the dishes, eating the meal, washing more dishes... ah... the memories of my fondness for cooking settles over me with a smile. But, let me tell you, the mundane daily must-do's can really bore me and get me down!

I was thinking about all the ways I prescribe to changing my outlook, and therefore, my mood, around these ordinary tasks and I was struck with the concept that I shake it up! I get out there! I DO things, go places, visit people, throw parties, exercise, tickle my teenager until he wants tackle me into submission! I create new experiences so that my life constantly has to evolve and grow, so it never really becomes too repetitious. Right down to the food I cook... rarely do I ever produce the same thing twice!

Life is an adventure that needs to be explored! We live on a planet that is full of opportunity! And, I know what you may be thinking... "Well, with this economy, there needs to be cut-backs and sacrifices. Can't just run off to Rome to see the Pantheon, now can we?" lol Perhaps not. But, I would wager to say that most of you haven't even explored your own backyard, much less the community that you live in. So, check out what's happening in your home town. What do tourists want to see when they come to your town? Have you ever gone to check it out? You may live in NYC, and you see the Statue of Liberty every day from your office window, but have you ever actually taken the ferry out to it, paid for a ticket and explored the Statue itself?

Get creative. Get moving. Get curious.

Go big in life, with colorful things that please you, surround yourself with people that warm your heart or stretch your mind, take that trek to the beach that you've waited all your life to do, taste a bite of that ethnic food that scares you, take a painting class knowing full well that your 5th grade art teacher told your parents you had no talent for art, sing in the shower, take an algebra class at the community college if that's your thing, take pictures of inanimate objects and use them as your facebook profile picture, just do something! Or, just go home!

My Story

"All of these lines across my face. Tell you the story, of who I am. So many stories of where I've been. And, how I've got to where I am. But, these stories don't mean anything, if you've got no one to tell them to. It's true, I was made for you."

Brandi Carlile croons these lyrics in her song, The Story. And, oh what a song... that lady has some serious pipes!

The reason I bring these lyrics up is because I've realized that I am getting old. Well, at least, older. I'm getting the telltale crinkles around my eyes, the darker sun spots on my face and hands. Some of my skin is getting crepe-y. I catch myself on occasion wanting to fight it! Fight these signs that steal my youth! Spend countless dollars on services to delay the inevitable! Alas, my budget won't allow for fancy treatments or plastic surgery and I wonder if I'd go back to smoother skin if it meant that I would have to erase the many smiles that created the permanent crinkles. The hours worshiping the sun, playing outside and laughing with my friends, to rid myself of some age spots. The manual labor of gardening and massaging people, chopping wood, painting color on my walls... would I go back and do it differently, just to have the delicate, beautiful hands of nobility?

I don't think so. Actually I know I wouldn't. Every line, wrinkle, spot and sag is a story. It's my story. It's my experience, my memory, my life. It hasn't all been good, but it's been mine. Now, about those gray hairs springing up! Those, I think, are because of my son! :) But again, wouldn't trade 'em for nothing!

Here I am, sharing my thoughts and feelings through the medium of this blog, unsure if anyone ever reads it or even cares. But, perhaps it really doesn't matter anyway? I'm putting the words out there, the thoughts that may or may not hold relevancy for someone. I'm expressing myself and sharing my story, and like Brandi says, paraphrased, your story doesn't mean anything if you haven't someone to share it with....

So, thank you. Whoever you are, for letting me share my story, parts of me, the old and sagging parts, the young and invigorating memories... with you.

I Don't Want Your Weeds Infesting MY Garden!

Michael Caine once said, "I have a policy. I never listen to anyone explain why they CAN'T do something." he added that it was because he didn't want to be convinced by it.

That's so intuitive, isn't it? How often do we allow ourselves to be talked out of a great idea just because the person we were talking to had a bad experience with something similar. Life is so subjective. You take one person who gave up everything to pursue his dream and ends up losing everything, dying a pauper. And another person, with similar dream who also gives up everything, and hits the nail on the head and is able to manifest her passion and have the life she'd always dreamed of! The difference between those two people may be something big, or something very minute. (see anything written by Malcolm Gladwell for more information on this phenomenon)

Imagine talking to the man about how you would like to manifest your passion and what advice he may give you. Then imagine talking to the woman about the same concept. Understandably, the two people are likely to give very, very different advice. And, are either one correct? Is the woman correct, just because she was successful? Was the man correct because he was not? Likely there would be valuable information to gain from talking to each of them. The problem arises when you take on the outcome with their story and let it taint your experience.

Each of us are so wonderfully unique, with strengths and weaknesses that accommodate for greatness, or act as Murphy's Law for others. So, it's important to evaluate ourselves constructively before we dive in to anything headfirst. Make lists.

1. What am I good at? What am I poor at?

2. Am I an introvert or an extrovert, and how does that play into my idea I'm wanting to manifest?

3. Who and what are my resources?

4. What type of financial backing do I need to manifest this? Where will I get the necessary funding?

5. Do I work best alone or in a team? What is my motivation factor?

Once you do the initial brainstorming about who you are in this world, then you can see if it would be prudent for you to gather a team and/or investors. Then take some time to write out an outline of your 5 yr. goal and how to get there step by step, writing it in the present tense with measurable results. Continue doing this for your 4, 3, 2, 1 year goals and 6 months, 3 months, 1 month goals. All of these goal writing steps should be taken in specific, strategic, results oriented language.

Using your Goals as your guide, create a plan of ACTION. How are you going to implement your skills and those of others in order to go the distance with manifesting your dreams? What things do you need to do daily? Weekly? Monthly?

All the while you are putting together the outline for your future, remember when and if you choose to share your ideas with others, that you don't allow their negative interpretations to become your reality! Their stories are their own. Go forth and create your own reality, your own story! And, allow it to be fruitful!

The Go-Giver

I was just thinking the other day about this brilliant little book that I was given to read by a friend of mine called, The Go-Giver, by Bob Burg and John David Mann. This little jewel can be read in the course of an afternoon. It reads much like a story, with lessons intertwined. The format reminded me of the book, The Celestine Prophesy, that I read many years ago, where the main character goes about doing his thing and a series of "coincidences" or "learnings" appear that teach the reader simultaneously with the character.

The thing that I really enjoyed about The Go-Giver was the way that the authors were able to craft an enjoyable story with the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success. These "laws" exact the components of very successful people, with the idea that if you apply these Five Laws, you can also become successful. So, here they are:

"THE LAW OF VALUE

Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.

THE LAW OF COMPENSATION

Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

THE LAW OF INFLUENCE

Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people's interests first.

THE LAW OF AUTHENTICITY

The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

THE LAW OF RECEPTIVITY

The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving."

~by Bob Burg and John David Mann

For a long time in my life, I held the belief that for me to be a good person, I needed to give, give, give and it wasn't necessary for me to receive (much). But, what happens when you do that is that you deprive other people of the joy of being able to give too. My former husband told me repeatedly that I was a really good giver, but a terrible receiver, and ultimately, it played a role in destruction of our marriage. Part of that equation was that he was a really good receiver... I suppose that was the attraction, the opposites attract phenomenon, until it got old for both of us.

It HAS to be reciprocal, cause when it's not, everything falls apart! So, when we go about our business, as well as, our personal lives, if we make a concerted effort to give more than we intend to receive, and yet still keep ourselves open to reception, the universe will cooperate and give, give, give! Both needs met simultaneously!

I encourage each of you to open yourself up to these five laws and explore how to fit them into your lives. Allow the success to follow, and ENJOY!

You lead, I'll follow... or, maybe I should Lead?

A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go, but ought to be.~ Rosalynn Carter


Isn't it terribly uncomfortable, this thing we call living? Here we are, going through the motions, day in and day out, and constantly wanting. We continue to do what we do, and we continue to dream of what we want. My question is, when did we decide that the two ideas were mutually exclusive? When did we back ourselves into the closet, pull the door closed, and then proceed to lock the door. From the inside. When did we decide that life had to be so hard and unsatisfying?

I believe that life is hard. And, satisfying. It's hard because I push myself towards new challenges. I ask tough questions. I think and feel deeply, I often over-analyze and explain my feelings to people until they are bored into oblivion or they feel condescended. So, in some ways, I guess I contribute to life being hard not only for myself, but for others as well!

As we push one another and ourselves though, we push through our self-taught limitations. We dip our toes into the metaphorical pool of possibilities. And, we find that the water feels good... Much like diving into a cool pool on a hot day, shocking and uncomfortable at first, then stimulating, refreshing, soothing, enlightening later! All new things are unnerving at first. And yet, typically, once we fully dive in, they become normal and safe in a hurry.

I think it's important to look at what is normal and safe in our lives and see if that resonates as a "good" thing or a "bad" thing. Look for small changes you can make that will motivate you towards fulfillment and joy! Maybe it's something just as simple as rearranging your living room to start. Maybe it's hiring a life coach to help you carve out and give form to your ideas so you can manifest your deepest desires. However you decide to do it, do it! Make some changes. Try something new. Carve your path and make your own torch to light your way!

Check out this awesome, yet bumpy, video clip on being a leader!

Leadership Lessons from Dancing Guy

www.youtube.com

Leadership Lessons learned from Dancing Guy. Read transcript at http://sivers.org/ff Original video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GA8z7f7a2Pk

Riding the Wave!

The metaphor is a bit cliché, but I like it though for my purpose of todays topic. You see, it's versatile as well as, ambitious! For instance, have you ever tried to surf? It takes time and practice, over and over getting tossed by the waves, wondering if you are ever going to resurface, wondering if ever it's going to be easy... until finally one day your feet find themselves beneath you and you are standing, perhaps a little wobbly, and being propelled towards the beach by an undeniable wave! This, my friends, is the way life often operates.

And, it is also the path to success.

Those who make it big in life are those that choose to keep trying. To fall again and again, refining and perfecting their entrance, their exit, their posture, their timing, their proposal... tweaking all of their approach to align themselves with success!

I believe that all of us are meant to ride the wave. We are all meant for success, we only have to define what success means to us individually. I don't mean what society has told us it's supposed to mean, but the meaning that is clear to us on the deepest, most cellular level. Only we can know that and often it is a very private understanding.

My thought for today is, what is your definition of success? Are you living it? What steps do you need to take in order for you to metaphorically stand up on your board and ride your wave? Who do you need to talk to? When you sit quietly, what does God or your intuition tell you? If you were to die now, would you be pleased with your life? What would you change?

Write out what comes to you and I challenge you to start taking action and manifest your own success. One baby step at a time, learning from all the times you have fallen and will fall, Ride YOUR Wave!

It's NOT Who We ARE, Not Really, Anyway...

I was having a deep conversation with one of my friends last night and she made a comment about emotions, and how she felt often disconnected from them. It hit me in a very profound way, as I've often noticed that my emotions so often feel disproportionate to the event that caused, or sometimes didn't cause, the actual emotion.

I'm wondering if there are many others out there that feel this way? I'll try to explain more in depth what I mean...

Sometimes, in the midst of a deep emotion, I'm struck by the thought that if I were on the spiritual plane, I wouldn't be emoting at all. Likely, I would just be reflecting upon the learnings the event provided. It sounds cold and callous to even write that, because there are certain events that are surely worthy of deep emotion. I do believe this. I just sometimes also believe that if I were in Spirit form, or rather, sometimes when I am more aligned with my spiritual self, the emotions wouldn't be so profound because I would understand fully the continuance of everything. For example, my humanness allows me to cry when my Grandmother passed away. I'm crying for selfish reasons because I will miss her and do miss her in my life in the physical form. My spiritual form sees it as a wonderful opportunity for my Grandmother to shed the body that was no longer serving her and to move on to new challenges. My Spirit sees it as a rebirth into the next phase of the life cycle. My Human self sees it as the death and loss of something valuable.

The contradiction is obtuse. And, conversely, acute. Eckhart Tolle talks much in his book, The New Earth, about how to better align ourselves with our Spirit self. And, I agree so much. And, I disagree in part as well. His brilliant book was groundbreaking in many ways and so elegant and helpful. The part that I disagree with are minor, but huge in the big picture. I believe that we choose as Spirits to have human experiences and that we aren't meant to experience life solely from an esoteric perspective. We choose to be here. We choose to experience hurt, joy, frustrations, love, empowerment and impoverishment. We choose to feel deeply and fully a myriad of emotions and experiences.

So, sometimes in the midst of an emotional outburst, I will chastise myself for the emotion. I will go into a disconnect with my feelings, trying to explore the highest good of the situation and why or how my emotion is acceptable, or not, and how to improve it later. I think its okay to do that, as it may help me in my journey to understanding myself and what I am doing here, but I also think its important allow human expression as it radiates.

And so, I come back to the idea that we are NOT our emotions, just as we are NOT our occupations, or anything else that we align our selves with. We are not nouns, but an abundance of adjectives!

We are Spiritual beings that have chosen to have a Human experience. And, that doesn't just involve positive experiences! While we are in human form, it is only natural and necessary to have human emotions. That's what we signed up for and that's what we are getting.

I encourage you to explore when and how you most emote. When is it acceptable in human form? When is it unacceptable? What can you do to balance your humanness with your spirituality? If you look at the way you emote from a higher perspective, what do you see? What do you feel? What type of human experience do you want to have? Chunk up or down your perspective so that you can find the balance that will best serve you and others and enlighten you at the same time!

Welcome 2010! OMG! What Do I Do Now?!

I'm regrouping and reframing here in Santa Cruz County, California! Between apartment hunting and searching for my essentials in a massive 26 foot moving van, and not having a steady income flowing, I think I'm holding it pretty well together!

Did I mention that this is scary?! Holy crud, making a humongous leap of faith like this kind of move is like being set on the edge of a cliff, blind-folded, spun around 10 times (like the game "Pin the Tail on the Donkey"), and then told to walk forward and trust that the Universe isn't going to let you walk off the edge! But, alas, I am doing just that, trusting my instincts, trusting the Universe, and allowing it to flow. And, it will flow... right?!

So, I'm drinking my coffee on this lazy Sunday morning and wondering, when is the last time you've done something that you've really, really wanted to do and have felt the cosmic "pull" towards doing, even though it's scary and the end result is unclear? Have you pushed through and done it? Have knocked on the door of the unknown and walked through?

So, let me be frank when I say that if you are really, really wanting to rob a bank and you think that the Universe if guiding you to become an infamous bank robber, it's likely NOT the Universe, it's mental illness. You see, the Universe will call you to action and change and steadfastness only with things that are ecological (good for you, others and the world) and stealing isn't ecological... even when you're good at it!

What is the Universe calling you to do? It's now 2010 and the world is your oyster. I know there has been a lot of gloom and doom talk about the economy. I know that the "economy" has become the #1 excuse for all the problems of the world.

And, I think it's crap.

The economy cycles, when we get more "up" financially, people start getting greedy and then Karma comes in and hands out tickets. Then we start falling into a "down" cycle and people start depending more upon one another and helping out for the greatest good. So, my point being, don't let the down economy stop you from manifesting your aspirations! Now is the time to take your well designed goals and turn them into reality!

Be brave, young soldiers, step up and out of your comfort zone and trust that the Universe will guide you in your quest. And, I will heed my own advice and keep plugging away with all of the details to make my dreams a reality too!

Happy New Year!

The Advantages of Being "Un-Friended"

The word of the year is "un-friend". How about that? Isn't it interesting that a word that has so many negative connotations can become a "word of the year?" So, I want to share a story about being un-friended and perhaps it will help you with keeping perspective as it did me.

It's hard sometimes to not get upset when you are un-friended through resources such as facebook and myspace. This recently happened to me and even though the un-friending took place by someone that I was wanting to un-friend myself, it still stung. You see, this person and I have had a very tumultuous relationship. And, as much as I didn't see her as someone I wanted to associate with on a personal, one-on-one level, I did want to maintain some sort of acquaintance. I didn't want to burn any bridges or hurt any feelings, and frankly, I wanted to be able to be social with her if I saw her out and about. That being said, our last encounter was one that I still sometimes find myself replaying in my mind, trying to make sense out a narcissistic mess! So today I pondered what it meant to me that she didn't even want to be friends with me via a social networking site.

And, then the weight lifted.

I realized that I have been asking the Universe to put people into my life that will help me grow and become better. People that will mirror both my strengths and weaknesses. I want to surround myself with other seekers and ones that aren't afraid of what they find out about themselves. People that will be proactive in making necessary corrections. And, the Universe is answering my prayers. The people that need to be in my life for me to live out my purpose, are the people that are in it in every present moment. And that means that its okay for people to filter in and out when its appropriate. In essence, the Universe did a little weeding for me. And, as with any growth, it can sometimes be painful or touchy, but none-the-less beneficial.

So, next time you want to "un-friend" someone, or they "un-friend" you, think of it as the Universe's way of helping you get out of a relationship that no longer serves you. Helping you to focus on growing your garden, not just weeds!

We Aren't Perfect

But, we're perfect in our imperfections. Someone said that to me one time in answer to my question of why people do bad things.

Why do people do bad things? Why is it that sometimes we even KNOW that its bad, and we still can't stop ourselves from doing it. The next question is, who decided that it was bad?

I'm just going to let you pause for a moment to absorb that last question...

Did someone a long time ago make a list of "rights" and "wrongs," and then sell the package to mainstream earth? Or did it come about organically, based on the consensus of the times and the needs of the people?

I've noticed that in the last 100 years the definitions of what is "right and wrong" has certainly evolved. Funny, similar concept with me... And you? Have you found that your ideas about what are right and wrong have grown, changed, mutated, become blurry or otherwise as you have enjoyed and detested the world around you? As the hair on your head becomes thinner and the inevitable grays become thicker, are the ideas and beliefs thinning and thickening as well?

In the early 1900's, us women were choosing to have full and equal responsibilities as that of men. At some point, that choosing became demanding and the demanding became fighting for our rights for equality. In the 1960's, Black Americans stood up and fought for their rights. Currently, Gay Americans are demanding equality as well, and thankfully starting to actually make some headway! Years back, this wouldn't have even been thought possible. People wouldn't have even thought twice about bigotry towards women, minorities, and homosexuality. But now, people are coming together and demanding a new precedent be set for what is "right and wrong"! I am thrilled to see justice be served and our brothers and sisters be given opportunities that never should have been excluded from them in the first place!

So, right and wrong... What is it that you have to be so dog-gone right about, right now? Because maybe someday very soon, you'll change your mind.

Get What You Want!

Will Smith says that he lives his life without a Plan B. He says that when you have a Plan B it diverts your attention from Plan A, the plan that you really want to manifest. Will Smith is a genius.

We can live our lives having back-up plans for when things don't go as planned, but when we do that, we give the Universe an "out". If we focus on what we want, we get it (or sometimes something even better that we didn't even know we should want). When we focus on something we don't want, we get that too. So, if we are focusing on Plan A, but giving attention to Plan B, I think the Universe may get a little confused as to what we really want, don't you?

So, first you really need to decide what you want. Many of us out there have no real definitive clue as to what we want. We know what we don't want. We have some vague ideas about what we want and maybe even some ideas about how to get what we want. But really, when it comes down to it, the Universe doesn't reward vagueness. It rewards specific, measureable beliefs and desires. So, figure out what you want.

I suggest writing it down, handwritten or typed and go through everything that pops into your head. If you are wanting to know what you want regarding your job, focus on things that within that scope. Likewise, if you are focusing on material possessions, during the exercise keep with the possessions and don't deviate unless your Higher Self dictates to you that you are masking with "stuff" what you really want and need. And then, you may realize that you have just experienced a life-altering breakthrough-- but that's a whole 'nother blog!

After you have written everything down that comes to mind, begin the pruning process. For a tree to grow and bear lots of luscious fruit, it needs to be pruned and tended. The same is true for getting what you want. So, prune your document. Start by converting all of the sentences that are in a negative format into a positive expression. For example, if you were to say "I don't want to work for anyone else ever again!" Perhaps you could rephrase it to something like, "I choose/want to be self-employed". Line by line, recreate into a positive format all of your wants.

Then, eliminate all of the things that are redundent. You don't need to say the same thing over and over to get the results you desire. What you do need is to clarify anything on your list to be as specific as possible.

After you finish fine-tuning your list, it's time to give it status. Print out your list onto nice paper with a font that appeals to you, or handwrite it in your best writing and then put it somewhere that you can easily see it and keep it in your awareness on a regular basis. It's important to reflect on it and perhaps even fine-tune it further as you get closer and closer to manifesting what you want.

And lastly, you need to begin to ACT on these WANTS. Life if full of motion, not stagnation. When things are stagnant, they disease and die, when things are in action, they flourish and prosper. So, begin by acting. If you are wanting to be loved, for example, be loving (Dalai Lama). If you are wanting to work within a certain field, volunteer, go back to school for the education, read books on the subject, turn in your resume` to prospective employers... ACT, DO, CREATE, LEARN, INSPIRE!!! Go forth and put your wants into form!

Sometimes it is only with time that we are able to really be clear as to what we want, but until we start doing the exercises towards that understanding, we will only get leftovers, otherwise known as, Plan B.

Secondary Gain

What are we to do when our identities get so intertwined with our physical and emotional ailments? Consciously, we don't want to have the "issue", but unconsciously, there may be another strategy going on. It's called Secondary Gain. There is a part within many of us that really needs something that is produced by the issue. For example, someone who is on disability may hear about the latest technology that will heal them and allow them to live a full and productive life. Well, as much as on the surface one would without fail think that that would be fantastic, the undercurrent dilemma, however, could be really challenging to manipulate. Now you have a person who will need to go back into the work force, rather than accepting the disability checks each month. Even if the person isn't lazy, the potential fears of not being good enough, having to interact with others again, possible job retraining, etc... would be enough to create some hesitation and anxiety about healing.

Secondary gain isn't something that people generally think about and plan around, because it is largely unconscious. And, it is the underlying motivator of WHY we do WHAT we do. At this point, we need to dig deep into the subconscious mind and clear the negative motivators so that they will forfeit their hold, allowing us to achieve our goals. At least, this is one theory.

Gary Craig, the founder of EFT, believes that our energy system in the body changes polarity and therefore does a reversal. He calls this phenomen "Psychological Reversal" or PR. Until we can reverse the polarity, we will continue to get opposite results of what we think we want. For more information about his excellent theories and treatments, check out his website www.emofree.com.

My theory is that it is a combination of both. Emotionally clearing the roadblocks is just as essential as making sure you're not trying to drive the wrong way down a one-way street! Although, sometimes once your heading the "right way", the emotional roadblocks go away!

So, think about something you would like to be different in your life. What is it? What has prohibitted you from making the change? What could you gain from NOT making the change? What could you lose? What would you gain from making the change? What would you lose from making the change? Who will support you in making the change? Who will be against it?

As you look deeply into your issue you would like to change, what do you see? What do you feel in your body? Where do you feel it? Are there baby steps that could help make the transition smoother? Would it be beneficial to have a coach or mentor to model? If so, please feel free to contact me for a free e-mail consultation (www.essentialblueprint.com) or for a referral to someone who is certified in your area.

Good luck in making these positive changes in your life! You can do it!

"There is no key to happiness, the door is always open"

Happiness, sometimes such a fickle emotion. So many things that drift through our realities can dictate whether or not someone is happy. A small shift, a funny look, a coarse word, a bad driver... all these things can take our off your happiness course in a matter of seconds. If you let it!

Hormones, in my world, are my greatest enemy when it comes to fluctuating mood! And, part of what helps me to stay happy even through those dark, PMS-ing days, is to recognize that it is hormones and not some universal force that has decided to gang up on me and make me hate the world! I laugh as I write this, because the dangers of PMS are a worldwide phenomenon that most people can relate to! And, I am not impervious to all the negative emotions that counter happiness... not by a stretch!

Back to recognizing... when we take the time to understand ourselves, our cycles, our triggers, our "best times" of the day and our "worst times" of the day, we can then formulate strategies that help us to improve upon them and even overcome.

For example, my parents are my very best friends and my constant support system. They are the people that I depend on the most. They are also the people that can push my buttons like no other! I suppose when you know someone so well, it's easy to know the dark parts too, and for they to know yours. Recently, I was talking with my father on the phone and both of us at some point stopped listening to one another and started creating assumptions. And that, my friend, is when the trouble started. We started yelling at each other over the phone and even going as far as to use obscenities. At some point, it dawned on me that he had been hitting my buttons, not because he was intentionally trying to provoke me, just because he had his own set of patterns and I was triggering him with mine! Once I had the conscious awareness that that was what was happening, I was able to soften my tone and allow myself to fully listen to him before responding. Once he felt heard, he was able to reciprocate by listening to me. That was when we were able to acknowledge that we were both wrong in our assumptions of what the other was trying to communicate. One phone call, totally spun out of control and then back into balance just by recognizing what was happening.

Sometimes the recognition comes too late. Our triggers run deep, friends. We have some pretty solid patterns of behavior that take time and conscious awareness to to get control of. But, we have the ablility to gain that control, one day at a time, one awareness at a time.

Happiness is one of the things we can become more and more aware of and make conscious choices to become. If our lives are full of unhappiness, notice what small, incremental changes we can employ to dive into a life of happiness instead! Complete change takes time, so creating the expectation that happiness from unhappiness will happen overnight is unrealistic. That's not to say that it can't happen, just that more often than not it takes a conscious effort of paying attention and fine tuning your behavior and life choices as you go.

Happiness is a journey, but one that has amazing pitstops along the way, some of which will be so frustrating that they can only be there to help us to better notice and be grateful for the golden ones. Go and enjoy your journey of being happy!

Getting Congruent

So tell me, or more importantly, tell yourself, with what and how are you being incongruent in your life?

What areas specifically do you wish you could change? How specifically would you like to change? What is preventing you from moving forward and becoming congruent with the person that within your heart and soul you know you were meant to be?

These questions are good to implore the spirit and clarify who and what you are in this world. Our inward representation of ourselves is just as important as our outward representation. When you start digging deep within, asking the tough questions and allowing the honest answers to come forth, you will notice that you will begin to see patterns. Once you can recognize the behavior patterns, where they are in sync with who you really are, and where they are incongruent, you will then have the ability to make positive changes!

We have the ability to manifest our greatest good. Sometimes it is necessary to gain help from a trained therapist and other times we are able to make the changes in ourselves just by becoming aware that the change is needed.

I trust that as you go through your process of self-analysis you will notice the nuances that make you special, the gifts that you have that set your importance in the world apart from others, and the changes that will be so easy for you to make as you awaken!

Now is the time to start taking responsibility for your life with action!

Norah Jones elicits a Feeling

It's interesting to me how listening to certain tunes, such as Norah Jones, or watching certain movies can elicit reactions in us. Sometimes those reactions are emotional. Sometimes they are physical.

Eckhart Tolle would say that the "Pain Body" is being alerted and fed. I've been exploring what that means to me, in my life, and I can agree that he is on to something. I feel the way the mood of the music, for example, reminds me of things that may be better left alone. Do I really need to have a mood settle over me that reminds me of the loss of my marriage? Is that healthy? Is it healing the pain of the loss or is it feeding it? As I sit here in a mild state of melancholy, I believe that having those feelings re-awakened that I have been working hard at letting go and being at peace with, is not for my greatest good.

So, now my consciousness is inviting me to be proactive with my emotional states. Requesting that I choose carefully the information that I want to absorb.

Think about what triggers your "pain body" and then start the process of letting go.

Do We Have a Purpose?

I have felt all of my life that there is a divine purpose for each and every one of us. In fact, I believe this so strongly that my entire life focus has been about helping people to extract their essential purpose! The idea that we are here just existing, or maybe not, and then we die into nothingness, just doesn't resonate as a truth to me.

Recently, the idea was presented to me that perhaps this was only my personal delusion... that in fact, maybe there really isn't any reason for us to be here and there really isn't anything that we must do.

Think about that for a moment...

Frankly, I have been lost in thinking about it, feeling it, praying about it to my idea of a Higher Power. And, in this moment, I think I have come to the conclusion that perhaps he is right, it IS my delusion. And, my purpose here is to have this delusion and be supportive and helpful to others' with similar delusions.

In essence, we are both right and we are both wrong. If I remain too wrapped up in my delusion that it prevents me from moving forward, it puts me into a consistent judgmental space of right and wrong, and it presupposes that everyone out there has my same delusion, then I am missing the point about who I am in this world and what I am here to do (based on my delusion)!

So, I'd ask you to ponder this. What is your delusion? Is it holding you back from manifesting what you want to experience here? Or, is it propelling you forward to what your definition of "greatness" is?

You matter. We all matter. Be it my delusion or not, I am proud that I believe that.

Please share with me your thoughts or comments. I would love to dialogue with any of you who may come upon this blog!

Getting Congruent

If you consider your life, how you live it, who you share it with, and what matters about it, consider the congruency or lack of congruency within it. Are you living the life that "fits"? Does it feel right? Are you always finding that others are doing things to you that you have no control over? Do you believe that where you live is holding you back from being the person you were meant to be? Do you find yourself angry often, but when you look at the reasons why you are angry and really step outside of the situation, you see that you are reacting to something out of proportion with the actual event?

All of these things effect our congruency in our life. Anthony Robbins, the father of "life coaching", said "Your decisions are what shape your destiny." What kind of decisions are you making? Are you soley thinking about what is best for you? Or are you taking into consideration a more global perspective, or at a very minimum, the familial perspective? Our actions directly affect others. Period. The decisions that we make now are the catalysts for changing our universe. Sound big? Sound unrealistic? Well, it isn't. It's a complete truth. What we do, where we go, how we choose to live our lives in conjunction with others directly influences the world we live in. So, upon inspection of your life, are you living congruent with your deepest core values?

Consider this as one example of becoming congruent, a friend of mine and her husband were very up and coming. They were making a name for themselves within our community as successful real estate investors. They were living a rich life full of family and fun, mostly debt-free and happy.

However, the friends that they shared their spare time with chose to not have jobs, to live off of welfare, in rundown rental houses and apartments. They enjoyed using recreational drugs as well as the benefits of frequent and excessive alcohol consumption. They talked about what they did in high school, local and global gossip, and what the new technology was creating for stimulating video games such as Grand Theft Auto. These people weren't bad people, just lackadaisical and uninspired with life.

I asked my friend one day, not out of judgment just base curiosity, what drew and kept her to being friends with these folks. I was curious because they weren't the sort that were challenging, uplifting, spiritually nurturing or anything else positive that I could really see that was aligned with who I saw her to be in this world. She wasn't really sure of the answer. In fact, it initially was upsetting to her. Later on though, she and her husband talked about it and they realized that they were remaining friends with these people mostly out of a shared history and habit. They were frequently frustrated by this group of friends lack of interest in the world we live in or having much of a contribution to it. When they finally saw the big picture, they realized it was time for them to move forward in their lives in a positive, intelligent way. They invited their friends to "grow up" with them, but that wasn't to happen, so they parted ways fairly peacefully.

Now, I never put her friends down. People are people and it takes a variety to make the world interesting, but something in my questioning of their relationship lifted a veil from my friends eyes and she saw them in a different way. She knew that although there were benefits to the friendship (in this case, they were the big fish in the small pond and it made their egos feel good), but ultimately, these were not people who were aligned with her core values and they would not help her as she grows and learns in this world. And, she realized that that was important to her.

She and her husband have since cultivated fresh relationships with neighbors, other investors and people along the way that they have positive, reciprocal relationships with. They are active examples of people who are striving to live with congruency.

As we learn who we are on the inside, what matters to us and what our contribution is, we can actively reflect that on the outside. Choosing our friendships, our mentors, our advisers, what activities we do, where we go, what we listen to, read about, watch on television, these are all ways in which to become more congruent with who we really are. We are an active work in progress. Small incremental positive changes in whichever direction we need to go, is precisely what we need to do to create mammoth positive changes in ourselves and the world over time!

I challenge you to go forth and live congruent with you core values!

Blessings!

When the End Approaches

Circle Dance

You dance circles in my heart,
Round and round you spin
But you never go anywhere.

I wonder if you know
The direction you are headed.
The direction that you want to go?
The direction that I want to go?

Laughing, crying… trying to find our way,
Through the kisses and passion
Trying to find something solid
To place our footing
Our foundation… to build something lasting.

Yours, mine… different but so alike
A fusion of two different worlds
The potential for greatness,
A weakness that could be crippling.

Where will this dance take me,
The dizzying circles are tiring
And still I may be ready for more.
But are you willing to release the crazy cycle and go forward?

by Melanie Sargent

I wrote that poem a few months ago when I realized that the man I married was, although a very good man, wasn't the right man for me. I desperately wanted him to be. I looked deeply into everything that offered hope, offered a solution. But, try as I might, the end came and my brief marriage dissolved much like a mirage, at the moment that I had been finally believing it to be real.

I look now at the kaleidoscope of warnings that came to me with fleeting bits of clarity. I knew, and then I denied what I knew. I told myself to follow my intuition, it would guide me. But, I doubted what I was learning. Really, it scared me and I didn't want to believe it. I wanted to believe that he was the man he said he was.

My intuition told me through my dreams that we were a mismatched pair. I would awaken with anxiety and a troubled heart several times a week throughout our nearly two year relationship. Occasionally, I would have a pleasant dream with him in it, but mostly they were disturbing. They would dictate to me the differences in our values, the way we viewed the world. Sometimes it would come in the form of a gross betrayal, other times it would be more subtle.

Now, I am not suggesting that if you have a dream or two about your spouse cheating that they are in fact cheating on you! No, rather I am implying that your subconscious mind is trying to get your attention, especially if you are having the dreams on a regular basis. It may be worth your time to write about them. Not only the details you remember from the dream, but also the feelings that it provoked before and then throughout your day as you reflect upon it.

You may notice that you are just the casual observer and that what you are seeing doesn't offend you. You may see yourself react in a way that isn't normal for you. For example, in the past sometimes I would find myself getting really angry and confrontational and suddenly know triple black belt level karate and kick some serious ass! I would awaken from those dreams feeling exhausted and empowered that I could handle a situation if it should arise. No, I couldn't just perform that level of skill, but if that dream was speaking in metaphor, as they often do, I could relate it to another area in my life in which I was feeling out of control or weak, and I could see the relationship and know that inside of me I did own the power to handle the situation!

And that, is precisely what you can gain from paying attention to your dreams. In my specific instance with my husband, I was finding that over and over I was giving up my personal power and ideals in different ways in order to submit to him. Ultimately, it emphasized how out of balance we were as a couple. When you have to consistently dis empower yourself in order to show love or be loved by your partner, it isn't healthy and it won't honor the best in either of you.

And, just like the soap opera always says, "Like sands through the hour glass, these are the days of our lives." Moving on, moving forward and hopefully learning from our mistakes. Even enough to recognize that some things we may initially classify as mistakes, such as my soiled marriage, are really not mistakes, just stepping stones to take us to where we are supposed to be heading.

Blessings....