Painting Over, Overwhelm

I met with a friend today and she said to me, "I don't know how you do it!  You have so much going on in your life, how do you juggle so many things and be successful?"

My immediate response was to make a joke about my level of overwhelm, and we laughed together in understanding as only two mothers who also happen to be entrepreneurs can do.  Or, perhaps we were commiserating?! Who knows!  But later, upon reflection, I analyzed how do I get what I get done, and why haven't I had a nervous breakdown yet??

I lead a very busy life--hence, why I haven't blogged in a while.  My daughter just recently turned a year old.  I bought a fixer-upper house at the end of February that I have been fixing one aspect after the next.  I run two businesses. And, my relationship with my daughters father ended shortly after she was born, so I'm doing this unsupported by a partner. Phew... it's been a lot.  When I focus on the parts, I start feeling an anxiety rise in my stomach and throat.  I start feeling the restriction and resistance, and I know that easily I could become paralyzed with the dis-ease of overwhelm.

I think at one time or another, we can all relate to this feeling.  I've worked frequently through the years with people who live in this state for a long period of time.  It's gnarly.  It's awful.  And, it's terribly limiting.

Thankfully, with years of experience, I have developed some strategies that are very helpful.  If you are experiencing overwhelm, give these a try.... I use them all the time and the only time I feel overwhelmed these days are when a friend points out how challenging my life is and I think about the details!

Life is Like a Painting

1.  Think BIG PICTURE.  What do you want to create? Write down the end result that you want to accomplish. This step is like painting the backdrop on the canvas.  In my life, the big picture is seeing myself and my kids smiling and happy in a nice, comfortable home.

2.  What THEMES need to happen to make the big picture come to life? The different aspects of the picture need a place to be developed.  Where will those themes be located on your life's canvas? In a painting, it's like deciding where the mountain will go, where the trees may be, if there is a river that will run through the scene.  An artist will often pencil in the ideas of what will go roughly where. You will write down the different themes.  In my life, the themes are my daughters care, my son's care, my house projects (each one a different theme, be it construction or making dinner), my alternative therapy business, my rental business, my relationships with various people, my self-care, and the random stuff.

3.  What DETAILS need attention?  Ask yourself, can I delegate these details? If yes, do just that. If no, prioritize what needs to happen first, second, third, etc... to fill in the themes, which make the big picture come to life.  In a painting, this is the rocks, the trees, the shading of lights and darks.  Don't think about all the details on the whole painting. Only focus on the details of one theme at a time. You can't simultaneously paint a tree and a river. They have to be done one at a time, although you can bounce back and forth working with the flow of the painting.  In my life, if I am in "cooking dinner theme" I can focus on making food and keeping my daughter occupied at the same time by the back and forth method of flow. But, I do not attempt to add any construction project at the same time, nor any phone calls. Too many details trying to be done at once = overwhelm. And, likely, a burnt dinner and cranky kid.

4.  Keep the BIG PICTURE in mind the whole time.  See your end result in your minds eye and on your paper,  Take the time to step back from your life painting and reflect.  Where am I needing to focus next? What "theme" is a little neglected or can use some fine-tuning?  How's it looking?  Pretty good, from my view!  In my life, I acknowledge how my house is improving, the progress I've made.  I acknowledge how my children are growing and learning.  I give thanks and am grateful.... and, maybe most importantly, I cut myself some slack when I recognize that a detail in my painting didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped... or was forgotten altogether!

5.  BREATHE.  Enjoy the moments you take creating the masterpiece of your life.  As far as we know for sure, it's the only one we get.  Make it beautiful and don't waste too much energy on what it "should" look like.  It will look best, uniquely yours!

Negative Emotions; Let Go of What Hurts

What happens when unresolved negative emotions still have a

"charge" to them?  Well, it can take form in many ways, depending upon the emotion and manifestation.

Often, it will move through your life like sonic waves of energy, mostly unseen, yet with a vibration that alters your experience of life. The subtle things... over-reacting to small incidents, crying over silly commercials, having anxiety for things that you logically know are out of your control, insomnia, etc... are all symptoms of unresolved negative emotions.

What would it be like if you could free the drain of a sadness that you experienced as a child, that is no longer relevant in your adult life?

What would it be like if you could drive down the highway and not be cussing out other drivers as you make your way?

What would it be like for you to do a presentation without feeling like you're a miserable failure and that you could puke on your boss at any time?

How about if you could sleep through the night without waking up a half dozen times worrying about this or that?

I have good news. 

Truly, good news. You and I, we can work together and release the hold these negative emotions have on your life. Does that mean you'll never be angry again? Oh, heck no! If someone or something wrongs you, you will most certainly be able to be angry about it. Anger in and of itself isn't a bad thing.  The difference is that when you get angry it will be proportionate to the current situation.  When you get sad, lonely, afraid, worried, etc... it will be proportionate to the situation.

We do this through a technique called Time Line Therapy, where we access your memories, consciously remembered or not, and then get the very highest learnings from the experience. Once the learnings are attained and understood, it is very, very easy for us to let go of the "charge" attached to the emotion. You learned what you needed to learn, so now you can let go and move forward.  All of this happens at an unconscious level, although it feels like you are perfectly conscious. It's a very interesting, and empowering process!

This is a session that can be done in person and also via Skype, so no matter where you are in the world, as long as you can easily speak and understand English, I can help you release those negative emotions!

Is Hypnosis Safe & Will it Help Me?

Hypnosis and hypnotherapy are often thought of as this ambiguous idea of "mind control" that creates fear and concern in many people.  The media has done a fine job of creating a mammoth misunderstanding about what hypnosis is, and what it isn't.  I would like to provide a little education to my readers, in hopes to squelch the fear patterns.  And, let's face it, we could all use a little less fear in our lives!   (One of the many things that hypnosis can help with, by the way!)

Hypnotic trance is a natural state that we are in and out of periodically throughout our day.  Any time that we are accessing our imagination... watching a compelling movie or television show... driving down the highway lost in thought... planning our lives in our heads with details and pictures, just like we are actually doing the activities... we are in a state of hypnosis.  Therefore, ALL hypnosis is SELF hypnosis.  A natural, safe, wonderful way to allow your conscious mind to rest and your subconscious mind to create!

Locked into our subconscious minds is everything that we have ever heard, seen, imagined, or interpreted.  Our perspectives, at different times in our lives, can be very different.  Remember when you were a little child and your uncle seemed so very big?  And now, as an adult, you can recognize that he's actually a very small man.  He didn't change, but your perspective of how you interpreted him, did change.  We do this with all sorts of stuff.  Something as innocent as overhearing your mother on the phone with someone when you are three years old, saying something to the effect of, "Oh yes, my girl is SUCH a fast learner!"  This seems really innocent, doesn't it?  A nice, positive thing to hear!  Well... maybe.  If this statement becomes locked into your subconscious mind as a truth about who you are and how you identify yourself in this world, what happens when you try to learn something new and you don't learn "fast"?  Maybe the result is that you think you are a failure.  You quit.  You work even harder to prove that you are a fast learner.  You feel like you've let down everyone.  You get depressed and frustrated.  You react full of blame and resentment.  These are all potential fallout of a pleasant, innocuous comment made when you were three years old that you identified with.

As crazy as that scenario may sound, I see it happening in my practice time and again, in one form or the other. Sometimes, it's a negative comment that locks in.  All of what we've heard, seen and learned is taken in through our personal perspective, and somewhere along the way, in our subconscious minds, we decide if it is true or false and then it dictates our behaviors, successes and failures, for the rest of our lives.

Unless we do something about it....

Hypnosis is a tool to do something about it.  A qualified certified hypnotherapist should have the tools to help assess where your stumbling blocks are, and how to navigate the relaxation process to delve into your subconscious mind and help YOU to discover the different things that have come into your awareness throughout your life (and maybe before), and for YOU to create resolution and peace with.

So much healing can occur when you actually understand all of the internal motivating factors that have to do with who you choose to be in this world, and how to change the parts that aren't working for you.

Hypnosis is not a medium to let the devil in.  It doesn't open you up to the "dark side" anymore than sleep does, or watching television, or meditation.  Like I stated above, it is a natural state.  When you work with a qualified, certified hypnotist or hypnotherapist, you will NEVER do anything or say anything that you do not (on some level) want to do or say.  I like to explain it like this--you and your therapist are taking a trip.  You are the driver and they are the navigator.  You have handed them the map of where you would like to be directed, but at any given time, if you choose to turn left instead of right, YOU are in control and can do just that.  A qualified therapist will help keep you on track based on the previously agreed upon plan, but ultimately, you are the boss and you get to exactly where you need to be, and what you are ready for, that day.

Sometimes, multiple sessions are needed to really get the work done.  Baby steps to help you reach your goal.  The old expression, "The teacher will appear when the student is ready" goes even one step further with hypnotherapy, "The subconscious mind will allow what the client is ready for".  Choose your hypnotist that you feel safe and comfortable with, who listens to you (both spoken and unspoken communication), and that you intuit will be supportive and knowledgeable about how to maximize your time together for the best possible results!

Now, allow yourself to relax into a transformative experience that is specially designed just for you and put your worries away!  You'll love it!

Don't Should on Yourself

Have you ever wondered about your beliefs?  Where they come from?  Why you choose what you choose?  Act the way you act?  Hate or love the people you hate or love?  How you learned to hate at all...?


Much of this comes from social constructs.  It's a topic that has been coming up a lot in my life lately, and in my clients' lives.  From the time we are born, we are being taught what our society, family, and religious beliefs believe to be right and wrong, good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable.


That could mean that we dislike certain people or races because of the way that they look, even having never met a person of that race.  It could mean that we decide that we are fat and ugly because we don't look like the covergirls on the magazines.  Or, it could mean that we choose to not be in uniquely defined relationships because they aren't the same as everyone else's.


When did we decide that other people's ideas were more valuable than our own?  Why do we as a human race, tend to put people on pedestals, and often take pleasure in seeing them fall off?  We are all perfectly imperfect.  I may have something wonderfully profound to say one moment and something completely ridiculous the next.  Am I insightful or an idiot?  Can I be both?  Can't we all?


So, I thought and I thought on this and I realized that for my truth, I can see that we are all connected and we are all doing our very best, as often as we can, to live in harmony with one another and we need some structure to help that along.  What we don't need, however, is judgments upon one another when we do things that are different.  Sure, lets go ahead and judge a little when someone harms another, or says mean, spiteful things.  But judging who one chooses to love and how they choose to express their love, is pointless and negative.  How we choose to decorate our home, keep stuff, toss stuff, exercise, be lazy, dance in public, or pretend to be a mime--this all should be moot.  A topic for an interesting conversation, and a reflection of ourselves and how we choose to live, perhaps even the "why" around it, but not the negative judgment that is so often made.


Next time you notice thoughts of "should" (should do this, or should've done that), explore where they come from.  Is the "should" really in alignment with YOUR core beliefs and values?  Or is it a social construct that you "should" do only because you've been programmed that if you don't do it that you're doing something wrong or bad?  Who decided that it's wrong or bad?  Check in with your gut.  Is it hurting yourself or others?  If the "should" isn't in alignment with your values and it isn't hurting anyone to not do it, or to do it differently, then perhaps it's time to let go of the "should".  


Someone once told me a long time ago, "Don't should on yourself".  And, I think he was on to something.  If you decide that you should have done the "should", then extrapolate the learning and apply it to your life immediately so you don't repeat the cycle.  And, perhaps apologize to someone too, if applicable.


The bottom line is this, when we check in with ourselves, and we move through life as often as possible from a place of love, the "should's" just disappear.  Explore the possibilities!  


Oh!  I almost forgot!  A wonderful side effect of dumping the social constructs and "should's", is FREEDOM!  And the anxiety melts away like snow in the spring!  Enjoy the peace!