I have been listening to Brene Brown's podcast, Unlocking Us. She started the podcast when the Covid lockdowns first happened, so I'm a little late to the game. I only just found the series a few months ago. The podcast, like everything Brene does, is brilliant. Have you listened yet? It's on Spotify, so I encourage you to check it out. When I listened to her interview with Glennon Doyle... Mind = Blown!! I immediately went to my Libby app and started listening to her book, Untamed. I had to take it in doses so I could process all of the pearls that were revealed to me. I felt like she put into words and context the collective ideas, conversations, thoughts and bumbling triggers that have been happening in my body and soul for eons. I knew that her words would provoke many new and exciting conversations. It was exactly what I have been looking for and it was time for action!
So, like any motivated, middle aged, progressive Goddess would do, I started a bookclub. Only, we are just talking about this book. At least for now! Once a month, a few pages at a time, a certain quote or paragraph to inspire... and then we throw down! All of our ideas, collective and individual programming is being unleashed to look at, explore, identify and in many cases, release.
Doyle says, "Who was I before the world told me who I am supposed to be?"
She asks this on page 6! Page 6!!! She just dove headfirst into the depths of all of our beings in the very beginning of the book! We just skipped the bullshit and went straight into the meat and potatoes of the book on freaking page 6. I love it.
So, back to that question, let's explore it here... Who were you?
Take a moment to really think about it. Imagine yourself back then, a handful (or more) years ago.
What did you look like? Who decided your look? Your mom? Dad? Friends? TV/Movie characters and actors and actresses? What were you into? Music? Dance? Sports? Art? Church group? Were you a good student? Did you have parents that supported you in trying on different things you felt interested in? Or did they guide you to things that would look good, produce better (friends, finances, accolades, etc...), or make them look good to others, or what...?
Or did they knock you down and box you in with words like, "The Carter's don't need college!" or "The Carter's are all genetically fat, you can't help being big boned!" (And here, have another helping, you're a growing girl!) Pushing their beliefs, values, limiting decisions about life, love, the pursuit of happiness and all that jazz, onto YOU?? What did you fall for, and what did you push back against?
I'm curious, how did your family and environment train you to be the person you are now? How much of that do you really choose now, as an adult? What would you shift? What will you shift now, now that you are conscious that you maybe aren't really that person afterall and you actually can be the person you are inside, now?
Were you introverted or extroverted? Did you know that introversion and extroversion can be cultivated as a child? For example, if you grew up in a house where quiet was revered and you were constantly told to shush, you may either grow up into an adult that has a hard time speaking up and sharing ideas, often associated with being an introvert. Or, conversely, you may end up becoming an adult that talks and takes up space beyond capacity, often annoying people with dominating the conversations. This sometimes happens when you are subconsciously afraid of being shushed and unable to speak your piece. Or even afraid you will be left out. Unconsciously this is one way of lashing out against something, or someone, that tried to box you in.
We are shaped by our environment. Nurture vs. nature is an interesting thought exploration, and I believe that they equally contribute to who you become. More and more I believe we have our essence--our soul that has a certain "personality", but one that grows, shifts, develops and refines over time. And, is heavily influenced by those we surround ourselves with.
It's important to note that I'm not questioning you to lean into who you are so that you can push blame on anyone else for what you don't like. Yes, I'm sure there's some blame to go around, but that isn't the point of this exploration. The point is for you to get more conscious about who you are and why you are the way you are. So that you can shift and adjust the parts that aren't working for you now, as an adult, so you don't have to live the rest of your life the way someone else thinks you should live it.
You can also start looking at your parenting, if you are a parent or will be one someday, and explore ways to allow your child to discover who they are and what they believe, without being pushed into things that they don't necessarily naturally gravitate towards! And how fun to connect with your child by asking questions and getting curious about why they like certain things, and don't like others. Questioning with judgment in your tone or body language isn't going to help open the dialogue around them embracing becoming their own unique, authentic individual selves.
I do advise that before you open this discussion course, make sure you've opened yourself up to being open to possible dissenting opinions! It's important for your kid to know that you are really curious. And then, you can share with them about your perspective and hopes for their future or their identity even without sounding controlling or manipulating. Perhaps there are ways that you can allow them to be themselves, and for you to support that, even if it isn't what you personally dreamed of for them?
What would it have been like for you if you were given that type of latitude? How close would you be to your parents today if you felt that kind of freedom to fully be you, as a kid? How happy would you be overall if you were able to spread your wings and fly in the direction your soul wanted to take you?
Taking responsibility now for who you are, and the ability to change if you should want to/choose to, is super empowering! I encourage you to lean into this, and decide if it's time to start shifting back to your center now, or after you load the dishwasher. And, I joke, but it really is as simple as loading a dishwasher, one cup, one dish, one fork at a time... until you finally look in the mirror and recognize yourself again. And love yourself.
There will be more posts about this book. As I've already stated, there are so many pearls strewn throughout Doyle's pages that I cannot help but to investigate, pontificate, and explore the possibilities with you all!
And of course, as always, I am here to help guide you back to you, should you enjoy some support on your journey, or want to fast-track your process! I have a ton of modalities to help you clear blocks and get to the root of the weeds! It's a fun and provocative do-with process. Shoot me a message and we can talk about how this works. :)
