My Aunt, so often doubling as a mother to me at different times in my life, is finally succumbing to the ovarian cancer that has assumed control of her body.
My Aunt... so many stories to tell of her caretaker's soul. The dogs and cats in the neighborhood pooled their resources a long time ago and started an outreach program for all the strays and wounded animals. They would show up at her door and would always find some food, warmth, and especially love in her arms of safety. So much loving care for others, even people! Her work at the hospital kept her busy most days, and caring for her ailing mother the rest of the time. My great Aunt, her mother, passed just after her diagnoses was made. It broke her heart not to have been with her. Always thinking of others, especially family.
I saw her, last January, and we talked about death... and about living. She'd defeated her fear of dying. But, the fear of living in agony had moved in. That may be the hardest part. The idea that one may be tortured by their own body. Betrayed after years of loving care, both by the body caring for the soul, and the soul, caring for the body. Some people have been abused for years and years by their dying bodies. Ravaged by cancer cells mutating and molesting in ceaseless, indestructible patterns. Others are taken quickly to the beyond. Either way, goodbye is hard to come by, and so very hard to say.
It feels hideous to my ears to say this, my fingers to type this, but I am relieved. I am relieved that her suffering will not last long. Just long enough for people to come to her and try to find time, find a way... to say goodbye. My love, all of our love, surrounds her as she comes upon her final hour. I know, or rather, I believe, that the transition to the great beyond will bring her great peace and clarity. Another dimension that is so connected that we never leave here, for there... we never leave there, for here either.
We all have an Aunt--a loved one that's time has come--and there is never enough time for goodbye. Never enough time to reiterate our deepest affections. Never enough time to let go of the hurt, the old wounds, the fears, the loss, the abandonment that comes from them leaving... But, they know. In their deepest moments of clarity, they see and feel the love come through them in waves of energy and light. They never leave us, we never leave them. The energy is ever present.
I, likely much like yourself, am very, very lucky and honored to have wonderful people in my life to surround and support me. My Aunt is one of them. Soon, her form will be different, but her love and support will still be viable. I have no time for goodbye. My love goes with her beyond.
