Internet Dating. The New Modern form of Arranged Marriage?

It's crazy, isn't it? This modern, high tech version of dating that we have progressed into. In fact, I think in some ways, I may even compare it to the antiquated arranged marriages. Seriously folks, in years past and in some cultures currently, the parents of both the bride and groom finitely choose who in theory, they believe would be the best fit for their child. Sometimes they even hire expert matchmakers to come in and determine who is best suited based on the earnings of the parents, the hierarchal ancestry, the education, physical beauty, and overall health. The only thing that isn't necessarily taken into consideration, is attraction and chemistry. Really, "love".

So, here we are in the modern era, essentially going online and doing the same thing. And, instead of your mother and grandmother popping in their two cents about Little Bobby (who has a drooling problem) being the catch of a lifetime because his father owns the bank, instead you have the computer database linking attributes that would make two people potentially compatible. Now, the good news is this: with computer dating, you can see that Little Bobby has the drooling problem based on the wet mark on his shirt in his profile picture. There is no need to proceed further, all the information you need is presented, despite his father's best efforts!

So, we put our information out there, into never-never land and hope that someone with good, strong genes, that doesn't smoke or do drugs, who wants 2 kids (a boy and a girl), will pop up with a good picture, a pleasing voice and then... finally, pheromones to die for! A sense of humor that you actually understand, the bonus! But, what exactly are we getting when we do this? Do we really have the opportunity to meet our "soulmate", or are we potentially missing out on our one and only because we are too busy perusing profiles on Plenty of Fish?

The single most important question that I have is this: Are you being authentic when you describe yourself? Do you have the ability to see yourself accurately? Yes! And, of course not! We all want to be honest about who we are, at least, some of us do... hahaha... But, having the ability to be honest is a totally different story, because we are such multi-dimensional human beings. We could have a friend write our profiles for us, but then we would only have the perspective that they see in us, tainted by their judgments both good and bad, and the parts of us that we show them, not necessarily the perspective that a future love interest would see. We all know that we are a bit chameleon by nature, different people bring out different sides of us. So then, what if we choose to interview several close friends and relatives, get a very well-rounded perspective that may show us accurately in 3-D? Couple that with our own inner sanctuary of thoughts, feelings, and ideas and what we choose to share. That, I think, is the only way to really be 100% accurate in our assessments. Then bears the question, what about the people that don't have a lot of close friends (or any?) or living relatives that can help them out with this advanced profiling technique? I guess they're just S.O.L. Darn. I may have wanted to "wink" at them, but not now that I don't really get to know them before I meet them....

I know what you are thinking... Melanie is jaded. However, that isn't really true, not entirely that is. I'm not jaded. I do believe in love. And, I also believe that in some cases, internet dating is an exceptional way to meet people. I'm actually doing the "online" thing currently, as I have in the past. I think I just have different questions this time around. Want to hear them? Okay, I'll share with you my questions that I ask myself, yes, I said myself, NOT them.

How do I feel when I talk with them?

When I'm looking into their eyes, do I sense sincerity? Attraction? Discomfort? Ease?

What does my stomach say?

What is my very first reaction upon meeting them?

Do I feel comfortable, does conversation come easy?

Can I imagine being naked with them??? (Would I feel confident in my own skin? Would I want to rub skin and pink parts at some point in the relationship?)

Am I interested enough to know more that I am willing to sacrifice my precious time in order to share it with them. If I hesitate even a little, then the answer is no. And, although I may see them once more to confirm the suspicion, there is no sense wasting anyones time in dragging out the inevitable.

Listening to my inner voice is fundamental in finding a love that fits, whether you meet the man on Match.com or whether your Great Aunt Susan sets you up. It will tell you everything you will ever need to know. And, from what I understand, if you listen carefully, your would-be partner will too...

Think on This...

What would you think about if you weren't taught what to think about?

My first reaction to this question is, "I think about what I want, dammit! My thoughts are my own!" My second reaction is, "Oh my... my thoughts are 100% tainted by the environment and people around me."

Case in point, a client tells me the other day while I'm giving him a massage about the best sushi in Santa Cruz. We debate the pro's and con's of the various cafes, meanwhile salivating heavily, almost obnoxiously, while massaging his back. It's been four days of craving sushi now. I will have to submit sometime soon, because my mind is so wrapped around the idea of eating sushi. Would I have automatically started craving sushi at this exact moment in time had it not been for that conversation? I think not. I'm relatively sure that a person who has never tasted sushi or doesn't live in an area that serves sushi, wouldn't have a spontaneous and lasting sushi craving. Therefore, it must have been a thought that was planted by my conversation.

Now, I do understand that he wasn't setting out to "teach" me what to think. So, I slanted the thought process a bit, but the overall truth is that in some way or another, we are taught, encouraged, pushed into thinking about things a certain way.

And, our families.... whoa... that's a whole other story! Imagine just from the time you are the littlest baby, over time you are taught to cry to alert your parents to your needs. Then you are taught what foods to eat, based on what foods your parents choose to buy at the store and feed you. Then you are taught a specific language, with a certain accent, because you are parroting what you hear around you. Then you decide what type of God, or none at all, that you believe in because your family makes you go to church, or temple, or you live in a New Age hippie commune. You're taught right from wrong, based solely on the mores of your immediate society, which has been so diluted from our intrinsic truths, that we can't even trace back with complete accuracy whomever made the rules of "right and wrong" in the first place!

It's crazy, isn't it?

My head spins in circles as I ponder what is true for me, and what I think I may have always believed to be true because I unquestionably trusted that it was. And, now that I have this consciousness, it is my right and responsibility to do my own self-exploration to know, without a doubt, what I believe and why. And, then to live my truth without feeling like I need to push it on others. I think there is plenty of pushing to go around, so I'll bow out of that experiment!

Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you to think on this. Learn who you are and what you believe and why you believe it. Test your beliefs against your gut. If you get a twinge of fear, negativity, doubt, or just the physical feeling of "yuckiness", it's probably your intuition that's telling you the belief isn't authentic. And, that's your cue to dig deeper, get more clear, so you can live fully, thinking your own thoughts.

If you want some help in this process, call me and set up an appointment for either in person or the phone. I'm not going to tell you what you should believer, but I will walk you through some different tools that will open up your own self-discovery!

Words are Just Words

Words are just words, of course, but when they are put together in a way that touches the reader, that makes one think differently, that opens up new perspectives... well, that makes words wonderful.  It's my desire to put words together in such a way that you, the reader, will be lifted and inspired into your own truths and aspirations.  Thank you for reading my truths.