The Sin

 "That sin is wanting to know more than we are supposed to know, wanting more instead of being grateful for what we have, and doing what we want to do instead of what we should do." -Glennon Doyle from her book, Untamed.

I used to think that the honor of a woman was to do what was expected and to be kind and submissive in the process. I thought that. I was told, in so many words or less, that that was how I needed to be. How I needed to express myself and submit to the world.

I have a vagina. Therefore, I should get married by a certain age, procreate the acceptable 2-4 children, be a good cook and baker, tend the garden, wash the sheets weekly, and make sure that dinner was on the table for my family by 6 pm. I should make love to my husband whenever he had the desire, even if I wasn't in the mood. It's good for them and it isn't that hard to do--just take one for the team. Maybe you'll even enjoy it, eventually. 

This programming that most of us women, in some form or another, have had to endure, is nothing short of a centuries old patriarchal manipulation to make women subservient to men. Throughout time, this is an ideal that has been drilled into society. And the real-life consequences of this "dumbing down" of women and what they are capable of accomplishing is a real dumbing down of society. 

Women are powerful catalysts of growth and change. We model this with every pregnancy and delivery. We are literally made to create change. To cultivate ideas. To multitask and manage crises. We are effective problem solvers. We tend to be less aggressive regarding physical violence. We are smart, strong and capable. We are so much more than just housewives put on the planet to serve men and raise children. And we are great at serving and for some of us, we take great joy in that. We just shouldn't be limited to that.

And yep, I know, we aren't being forced into that box anymore. We get to choose. And yet, how difficult

it is to choose to live an independent, career-oriented life, with all of the background noise that continuously tells us that humanity is suffering because women aren't staying home to care for the children anymore... The world keeps trying to "should" on us, and even when we make a different choice, there is an undercurrent of guilt and judgment from the world that creates defensiveness and internal judgment or guilt because we aren't doing what we "should" be doing. Says who??? History. (History written by old white men, predominantly.)

So we sin by thinking and feeling and challenging ourselves to be, do, and have more than our mothers and grandmothers. We sin by modeling powerful women who have decided that their truths and authentic selves are just as important as a mans and unabashedly move towards their goals and ideals. We sin by using our vaginas for personal pleasure, and not just for procreation. We sin by holding boundaries and saying, "No more!". We sin because we tasted the fruit, and we liked it. We ate the whole thing and asked for more. We sin because we know that the "Tree of Knowledge" was planted for us, not to tempt us. We sin because we know that we are not actually sinning-- that it's just control by people that are so fear-based they need to control everyone they can in order to feel safe, safe in both power and greed. We "sin" because we know that we can never fully be safe in this unpredictable world, but we can feel safe inside; honoring our choices, thoughts, ideas, strengths, beliefs, talents, etc... living our authentic, sacred, gorgeous life purposes. 

The sin is a construct that holds us back and keeps us from the kingdom of heaven, which is simply us living our best lives the way we see fit. 

Ponder these ideas. Some may feel new to you. Some of my thoughts you may even have a strong negative reaction to. You may choose to be curious about your reaction and explore the rabbit hole of beliefs that may be impacting your reaction. I challenge you to take some time to really contemplate what and how you are feeling. Where do these feelings come from? Your parents? Religion? Social network? So many things in life are constructed by the idea that "this is what has always been done", but as Maya Angelou says, "Do your best until you know better; then when you know better, do better." 

Untamed Women

I have been listening to Brene Brown's podcast, Unlocking Us. She started the podcast when the Covid lockdowns first happened, so I'm a little late to the game. I only just found the series a few months ago. The podcast, like everything Brene does, is brilliant. Have you listened yet? It's on Spotify, so I encourage you to check it out. When I listened to her interview with Glennon  Doyle... Mind = Blown!! I immediately went to my Libby app and started listening to her book, Untamed. I had to take it in doses so I could process all of the pearls that were revealed to me. I felt like she put into words and context the collective ideas, conversations, thoughts and bumbling triggers that have been happening in my body and soul for eons. I knew that her words would provoke many new and exciting conversations. It was exactly what I have been looking for and it was time for action!

So, like any motivated, middle aged, progressive Goddess would do, I started a bookclub. Only, we are just talking about this book. At least for now! Once a month, a few pages at a time, a certain quote or paragraph to inspire... and then we throw down! All of our ideas, collective and individual programming is being unleashed to look at, explore, identify and in many cases, release.

Doyle says, "Who was I before the world told me who I am supposed to be?" 

She asks this on page 6! Page 6!!! She just dove headfirst into the depths of all of our beings in the very beginning of the book! We just skipped the bullshit and went straight into the meat and potatoes of the book on freaking page 6. I love it.

So, back to that question, let's explore it here... Who were you? 

Take a moment to really think about it. Imagine yourself back then, a handful (or more) years ago. 

What did you look like? Who decided your look? Your mom? Dad? Friends? TV/Movie characters and actors and actresses? What were you into? Music? Dance? Sports? Art? Church group? Were you a good student? Did you have parents that supported you in trying on different things you felt interested in? Or did they guide you to things that would look good, produce better (friends, finances, accolades, etc...),  or make them look good to others, or what...? 

Or did they knock you down and box you in with words like, "The Carter's don't need college!" or "The Carter's are all genetically fat, you can't help being big boned!" (And here, have another helping, you're a growing girl!) Pushing their beliefs, values, limiting decisions about life, love, the pursuit of happiness and all that jazz, onto YOU?? What did you fall for, and what did you push back against?

I'm curious, how did your family and environment train you to be the person you are now? How much of that do you really choose now, as an adult? What would you shift? What will you shift now, now that you are conscious that you maybe aren't really that person afterall and you actually can be the person you are inside, now? 

Were you introverted or extroverted? Did you know that introversion and extroversion can be cultivated as a child? For example, if you grew up in a house where quiet was revered and you were constantly told to shush, you may either grow up into an adult that has a hard time speaking up and sharing ideas, often associated with being an introvert. Or, conversely, you may end up becoming an adult that talks and takes up space beyond capacity, often annoying people with dominating the conversations. This sometimes happens when you are subconsciously afraid of being shushed and unable to speak your piece. Or even afraid you will be left out. Unconsciously this is one way of lashing out against something, or someone, that tried to box you in. 

We are shaped by our environment. Nurture vs. nature is an interesting thought exploration, and I believe that they equally contribute to who you become. More and more I believe we have our essence--our soul that has a certain "personality", but one that grows, shifts, develops and refines over time. And, is heavily influenced by those we surround ourselves with.

It's important to note that I'm not questioning you to lean into who you are so that you can push blame on anyone else for what you don't like. Yes, I'm sure there's some blame to go around, but that isn't the point of this exploration. The point is for you to get more conscious about who you are and why you are the way you are. So that you can shift and adjust the parts that aren't working for you now, as an adult, so you don't have to live the rest of your life the way someone else thinks you should live it. 

You can also start looking at your parenting, if you are a parent or will be one someday, and explore ways to allow your child to discover who they are and what they believe, without being pushed into things that they don't necessarily naturally gravitate towards! And how fun to connect with your child by asking questions and getting curious about why they like certain things, and don't like others. Questioning with judgment in your tone or body language isn't going to help open the dialogue around them embracing becoming their own unique, authentic individual selves. 

I do advise that before you open this discussion course, make sure you've opened yourself up to being open to possible dissenting opinions! It's important for your kid to know that you are really curious. And then, you can share with them about your perspective and hopes for their future or their identity even without sounding controlling or manipulating. Perhaps there are ways that you can allow them to be themselves, and for you to support that, even if it isn't what you personally dreamed of for them? 

What would it have been like for you if you were given that type of latitude? How close would you be to your parents today if you felt that kind of freedom to fully be you, as a kid? How happy would you be overall if you were able to spread your wings and fly in the direction your soul wanted to take you?

Taking responsibility now for who you are, and the ability to change if you should want to/choose to, is super empowering! I encourage you to lean into this, and decide if it's time to start shifting back to your center now, or after you load the dishwasher. And, I joke, but it really is as simple as loading a dishwasher, one cup, one dish, one fork at a time... until you finally look in the mirror and recognize yourself again. And love yourself.

There will be more posts about this book. As I've already stated, there are so many pearls strewn throughout Doyle's pages that I cannot help but to investigate, pontificate, and explore the possibilities with you all!

And of course, as always, I am here to help guide you back to you, should you enjoy some support on your journey, or want to fast-track your process! I have a ton of modalities to help you clear blocks and get to the root of the weeds! It's a fun and provocative do-with process. Shoot me a message and we can talk about how this works. :)

Impermanence.

We've all heard the expression, "Nothing lasts forever".  For better or for worse, that expression is true--or is it?  There are many layers to the ideas of impermanence.  If we explore the angles with curiosity, what may we find?

A flower turns to seed, releases the seed and the plant dies back, melting softly into the earth.  The seed finds it's way into a new patch of earth and is nurtured by the dark folds of dirt and minerals.  The sun warms the seed and it begins to expand, stretching it's tiny arms to find and honor the sun.  Breaking free from the soil, it absorbs the sun, the rain, the energy around it.  All of which embolden the tiny seedling to grow ever more mighty.  And grow it does, producing leaves, and then buds, and then glorious hallelujahs of flowers!  And the flowers share their insights with the bees, the bugs, the deer and us, all of it's magical secrets freely given, until there is no more to give, and it gracefully succumbs to it's inevitable transformation back to seed.

We are born.  We come into this planet with instincts and desires, preferences and objections, attitudes and chi.  Our DNA is imprinted with all of the technology that we can imagine, but never hope to understand.

Is it that that gives us our individual purpose, our drive, our mission for life?  Or, is there something else that drives us and pushes us to endure, even when we think that we cannot any longer?

We do endure. We persist at the daily tasks of washing the dishes, weeding the yard, sorting and organizing the should's and the should not's. Carefully at times, recklessly at others, making decisions with forethought and impulsively. All in attempt to create lives of meaning. Lives worth living.

What makes your life worth living?

It's important to note, to contemplate, otherwise we are spinning our wheels from the beginning of our incarnation until the end. We don't know if there is a new beginning, like the seed from the plant that continues the cycle, and if there is, will we be conscious of it? So, what are you doing now, in this moment of your life, that you can reflect back upon in your final days and feel accomplished? What can you shift, create, or tackle that will give you a sense of peace that your life is meaningful?

When we live our lives with the intention and meaning that is in alignment with our personal philosophy and mission, we truly live. Our lives are meaningful. Make whatever shifts you need to create this meaningful life, and your life will, in turn, be worth living.